response which would make interesting reading in our magazine. How do you think I feel? I've blasted away at TV wives grading them from A-plus to F, just hoping I'd get some written reaction. Zero. I then teased and tweaked TV's on their weaknesses hoping to make them mad and fight back. Zero. I reached then deeper into a real touchy subject: children; and called them monsters, enemies and what-not. Again hardly a ripple of reaction, a few comments in conversation, but nothing in writing that we could use for printing. I have now prodded the "pants wearers" will this too evoke no reaction? The only thing left now is to take one particular TV one individual describe her by name and proceed to tear her apart pointing out all her defects and none of her accomplishments. Of course I'd be running the risk of losing friends one by one - or having Virginia blue-pencil the whole thing. So, that's out. Any suggestions? But just for once, let me pick on one TV....and do a bit of criticizing...lets see....hmmm.... ....Sheila? Nope...she just held such a lovely birthday party for me and if she got mad she might not remember me next year...You know what I got? A beautiful pair of Hanes Jewelites hose, golden mesh...a dream! And besides that, there was a fabulous set of Arpege cologne and perfume! To say nothing of a most delicious cake which Clarissa dis- creetly topped with only 12 candles...and a punch from out-of-this-world...and other goodies...and even a kiss...so, Sheila as a subject for criticism is definitely out. See how objective and impartial I acn be? I'd better pick on somebody else: Kathy! There's a good girl to work on...but, wait a minute... she bought me, not one but 4 birthday cards. The one

I like best reads: "Happy birthday to a great per- sonality. Hollywood ought to make the story of your life...that is if they could ever get it past the censors! And to top it all she also got me hose... and besides when I can't use my car to go to the re- sort she gives me a ride...so, she's out as a target. Now take Lili...being Chinese she might not quite understand a bit of nastiness from me and I just might